Embalming Regiment

Jokesters

2012-01-09T21:18:00.000-05:00

My car seemed reluctant to start for a brief moment but the hesitation was only a practical joke. It got me. I felt relief after it came forward with the truth of a starting engine, but the humor was poorly timed. Still, my thoughts only leaped out of my skull for the duration of the minor prank and when the car screamed "gotcha" and restored normalcy, I let it go. I cannot hold onto grudges over insignificant events. Besides, the car was probably paying me back for a brutal prank I pulled on it about three years ago during my days of active madness. I drove for about fifty feet with its passenger side doors pinned against a guardrail and then attempted to perform cosmetic surgery with a crayon hoping no one would realize the car's disfigurement. Obviously that did not work, and the car was left with a permanent scar because of my stupidity.
What the hell am I thinking? The car could have been killed that day. I would say it let me off easy.

House for Sale

2012-01-07T00:03:00.000-05:00

Anonymous individuals walk through the life of another and what do they see? Anything they want. They make determinations based on the pieces of a puzzle that suit their perspective of the world. The pieces are universal and will always seem to fit just right. It makes no difference what picture is created, but it would be interesting to see the finished product connected by their minds. I am sure it would be a comical caricature. Or maybe, disconcertingly dead-on. The latter is doubtful, but maybe the view of an outside observer is necessary to unmask illusions created behind the eyes and projected across the many rooms of a personal dwelling.

Musical Interlude

2012-01-06T00:31:00.000-05:00

My tongue gets to savor the taste of a foot sometimes. Apparently someone just stepped in shit because my taste buds are revolting. No matter. Simple, innocent words do not impede progress. However, a gross misinterpretation of language or a misunderstanding of tone work nicely to hinder forward movement. I cannot retrieve a gaffe either. Once it escapes, it is too swift to capture.
I seem to beat myself in the head with a quiver of arrows.
I stomp on my chest like a lovelorn contortionist tapping his foot to a song that only plays in the recesses of his mind.

My Feet Know How To Walk

2012-01-05T22:24:00.000-05:00

      I entered a conversation today where pleasantries and ingratiating banter filled the room but truth was not spoken and remained elusive because it was an unnecessary hindrance that would complicate matters. Truth would shatter illusions, even though reality is well known to all. It seems reality does not exist as long as no one mentions it.
      I touched upon the subject of life. That reality was ignored. Ears are intentionally blocked. It is comical.
      It is help you offer or a ride to the morgue? Perhaps both, but I do not care for your driving skills. I won't get in the car.

Cranial Celibacy

2012-01-03T22:58:00.000-05:00

Friendly eyes waver from the contact point because relief capitalizing on whimsical thought discards that which is dubiously rendered obsolete. But things no longer needed still continue to exist, even when placed out of the line of sight.
The act of performing a personal mindfuck is burdensome and lacks the orgasmic qualities that the term may appear to infer. That type of mental intercourse scrambles the brain like an egg beaten with a rather phallic whisk. It does not satiate longing or bring anything to a climactic resolution. It never seems to end. It is not wanted.

Tonguing

2012-01-02T00:54:00.000-05:00

     Gas runs low when miles are traveled standing still. The moon is perched outside the window but my cold fingertips cannot caress its face because it is deceptively distant. My fingers wring teabags hoping for a higher dosage of peace to be injected into tepid water. The tea is journeying passed my lips. Have a safe voyage.
     My lips are silent but my tongue quickly pushes truth out in all directions. Honesty has left me at a disadvantage. Oh well.
   The moon has set. Oh well.
   I am happy.
     That is an unexpectedly pleasant surprise.

No Death, Only Continuity of Life

2012-01-01T14:52:00.001-05:00

The blackness moved swiftly but daylight cleaved the shroud of misery because it was only a laughable illusion- a manufactured mindset created because my brain was out of sync with my soul. Was damage done? I do not know, but it can be rendered irrelevant if I temper the beating of my heart and occupy my mind with the insanity of success. The far off is not far gone.
Absurd tumult. If I want it, I can go find it. It will rarely come looking for me... but sometimes it will track me down.

Don't Eat Veal

2011-12-18T17:40:00.000-05:00

Shocking,perverse violence at a supposed safe haven of intellectual communionis a toxic injection into the flesh of decent human society.Unassuming monsters lurk everywhere and their disguise isparticularly clever because it does not exist. Otherwise normalcreatures with horrid mental defects cause harsh punishment on theunsuspecting populous. It may be faulty wiring linked to geneticmishandling, but not all blame lies with the engineers of humanreproduction. Western Culture feeds these creatures abundant feastsof illicit pleasure tasting morsels scattered across the plate ofmoney hungry media looking to profit from the sale of jailbait flesh.We feed these creatures and when they strike, we are appalled. Weneed to cut off their food supply and starve them to death.

Endurance

2011-12-15T00:20:00.002-05:00

   Too much is easily forgotten, but sometimes everyday life intervenes with similar stimuli to an elusive past event, prompting a memory that otherwise seemed nonexistent. This can be a great thing. It can help me realize past horrors, that a moment before, seemed like they never occurred.
    I have placed distance between myself and those events but I must still remember the personal torment. I can manage the insanity of the past resurfacing in my mind at some inopportune time, but there was a period when every moment would have been mired by the onslaught of gruesome details of a hellish existence. Sometimes that is torture in itself, but it passes.... eventually.
    Now, lessons are learned and self-created monsters no longer chase me. I still run, but I use my legs. My mind no longer needs to race.

Live Well

2011-12-14T00:57:00.000-05:00

   I dreamt of an authority figure walking quickly up my driveway, but the person was not there for me. My initial reaction was a feeling of intense trepidation, but sense overrode the absurdly instinctual response of anxiety. The past has passed.
   He wore a light blue dress shirt hastily buttoned over the protruding stomach of someone who seems to survive solely on simple carbohydrates. His work is normally conducted from a seated position with little movement to burn off poorly planned meals, so an afternoon walk seemed like a welcomed diversion from the stagnant drudgery of secondhand computers running like a man who recently lost his feet, stark surroundings, and inevitable daily disappointment. He is young but his face bears the stress of tending to the exasperatingly noncompliant and he seemed to grimace, most likely from an undigested meal of a poor quality meatball hoagie and six cups of coffee revolting in his stomach. I did not know if he was going to shit or vomit... or cry.

Flavored Snow

2011-12-13T00:21:00.000-05:00

    Cold temperatures and darkness dominating the clock are ineffective at shattering my positivity.
    "We all get depressed in the winter."
    Speak for yourself.... Please.
    Snow will fall(or maybe not) and the sides of roads will look like the blacktop defecated in delight at the onset of winter. Shit-colored snow begins to line the roadways once the plows arrive to regulate. The snow is beautiful until man makes it ugly, but the plow drivers do help prevent fiery deaths in the middle of a fifty car pile up. So allow the plow drivers to exist peacefully. They may drive slow and block an individual's driveway but a gasoline fire probably hurts a little. Just a bit.
   Winter is not a transitional limbo between death and the return of life in the spring. Life continues regardless of negative outlooks. We should not ruin the days with mental misery because they are numbered. I may walk down the street tomorrow and get stabbed to death by a gasoline fire. One never knows.

Sunset

2011-12-12T00:31:00.001-05:00

1- "The sun went away!"
2- "It won't be gone for long."
1- "When's it coming back?"
2- "Never. We have to turn around and meet it."
1- "Is it behind me?"
2- "No. Turn around and look."
1- "Oh. Then where's it at?"
2- "About 93 million miles away. Give or take."
1- "Shit. Then we'll probably never see it again."
2- "Well, if you start walking now, you might catch a glimpse of it before you die."

I Pay the Rent.... It is Overdue

2011-12-11T22:52:00.001-05:00

      I am tired. I do not want to sleep but I do not want to stay awake. I will compromise and go ride the stationary bike and finish reading Mother Night.

      Why?

      I will stay awake and also get solid rest when sleep inevitably proceeds.

      Tiresome.

Change is good.

      Cast out? Nope.

Cast down? No such luck.

       Paranoia has no place in reality. (Then, why is it there? Hmm.)

   Reality has no place in delusion.

       Not always.

       Sometimes they are located at the same address.

   Eventual conflict.

       One needs to be evicted.

Revisionist History

2011-12-10T01:23:00.001-05:00

   I cannot change what is at my back, but I can use my tongue to alter the past to those who were not there...and to the ones who were, if necessary.   The individuals that were present may protest, but it is my word against theirs, and my word is right.
   That is a grotesquely undesirable way to proceed in life. The future may not have occurred(or maybe it did. I am not a watchmaker. I don't even wear a watch, let alone make them.) but I could choose to alter that as well. I do, in a positive manner. If I do what is right, then I definitely will not need to revise previous works.(what is right is not always safe or accepted.... or right sometimes, depending on a particular group's mores)
    The future is surely not promised. Individuals sometimes suffer a ruptured aneurysm while straining on the toilet. Quite sudden. That is a tragically embarrassing harm to befall a person. That is an unlikely occurrence for me because of my hardcore fiber consumption. I drink milled flax in coffee. I do not care for it on food, so I drink it. It is nice..makes my coffee gritty.

Color Schemes

2011-12-08T22:31:00.001-05:00

Things are good. Many believe otherwise and that is not an issue. It would be an issue if I was seeking universal approval, but that is an unobtainable goal, and indicative of being a rather disingenuous chameleon. Opposed to the literal chameleon, he is quite sincere.... That is a baseless assumption. How do I know? I have not seen him in months. He may be very bitter and sarcastic now. Chameleons change. They do... and if they haven't yet, they can(only find one pleasing color and hit the pause button). I cannot constantly alter my appearance to glow brightly in the eyes of many people who will see many different colors. They may catch me being red when I am supposed to be blue. Damn.

Hope won out. Things are good...Today. We still have to live the future.. but not so quickly.

The Lingering Odor of Future Impact

2011-12-04T00:10:00.001-05:00

    A wise man brought a baby incense with the hilarious intention of making old women faint in church from the overwhelming usage of the suffocating fragrance. He meant to cause the women to faint two thousand years later. Amazing. What foresight and planning for a practical joke he would not be alive to witness.
     We cannot get stuck in the moment. A baby is born everyday. Nothing special. But he used the occasion to provide humor(in horrible taste) to a generation of humanity he would never come to know. I do not condone disrespecting old women- those who do should have a fingernail swiftly removed... or at least told it is not proper behavior.
      We can learn a lesson from that man. He realized a simple gesture had the potential to impact the lives of many. The baby would not remember a gift given on the day it was born, but humanity as a whole would be better off. The baby is now long forgotten, but the wise man and the incense live on. His sincere quest to bring joy into the hearts of future generations, no matter how awful, is somehow very noble. We are not the end, and we can be a new beginning for those who come after us. We need only to realize our lives have impact. No matter how great or small, we can make a difference.

The Unpleasantly Necessary

2011-12-03T00:23:00.001-05:00

    Shut the door- keep it out or potentially trap it inside. I am at a loss. I am safe if the madness is kept outside of this comfort zone. Am I? The force to quell the chaos would reign over the realm outside of the closed door with unsurpassed brutality. Of course, If I were to trap the chaos inside, madness would consume me.
    My adrenaline level has since peaked and I began to crash towards a dreamy state of fatigue. I do not need to relaunch an agitated state of awareness so maybe I will gamble and shut the world out. Sleep- escape. "Let the other one deal with the situation", I think. My only job will be to clean up the mess. A simple task.
    No. I cannot hide. The door will stay open. Let it come and I will make it go just as quickly. I cannot pass off my responsibilities to those not equipped to handle them. I will not cower, however unpleasant the situation might be.

Surreptitious Assistance

2011-11-30T23:52:00.001-05:00

Help comes in many forms- an extended hand, mercy, kindness, love, the material, admonishment, reproach, complete disregard, expulsion, humiliation, loss, death....and onward. We need to accept the help even though the shape is displeasing to our eyes. We only need to see that it is being offered.. by the universe, happenstance, man... however it appears. It is there.

Look Up

2011-11-30T17:18:00.001-05:00

Readiness is crucial like an expectant tapeworm attached to a host's intestines waiting to absorb nutrients from a grand feast that was recently consumed. Patience. It takes time to digest everything, but be aware. Do not let a good thing pass you by.

Eyes Opened, Not Smashed Shut

2011-11-26T23:12:00.001-05:00

   I disconcertingly gleaned predatory motives on the part of a ridiculously absurd caricature of a wannabe thug. Perhaps I am wrong. Maybe that is what I wanted to see. What I hoped would be quickly revealed. Banish that ill-intentioned bastard. I don't know.
   I am not troubled anymore. I live my life.
   I cannot afford to smash someone's orbital bone. It would be too expensive for such a fleeting, momentary pleasure. And it would be embarrassing, leaving me feeling depressed and full of regret like soliciting a prostitute.
   I could never engage in an illicit activity with a prostitute. That sort of depressing reality might make me paint my wall with a splattering of skull fragments, brain chunks, and deep red like Jackson Pollock reborn only to disappoint with a substandard showing. Drip Drip.
   Physical violence is unintelligent anyway. So is soliciting a prostitute.
   Patience and understanding are key.(even if it is the understanding of folly on the part of others..that is their lesson to learn.) I need to worry about my potential follies.. like crushing orbital bones. Think, do not react.

(the orbital bone is actually 7 bones..i am aware.)

Cuts Heal

2011-11-25T00:15:00.001-05:00

A knife cut me once, but the blade was fulfilling the duty of its existence. The creation of the wound was unintentional and mostly my fault, so I cannot direct any blame towards the sharpened edge. We have since parted ways. If an individual has any interaction with a potentially dangerous weapon, use caution- get to know the feel of the instrument before utilizing it in a difficult task. A cut heals. An impaled heart is a much more serious matter.

Meaningful Existence

2011-11-23T21:28:00.001-05:00

   My pumpkins began to rot and I returned them to the earth. I realize the decaying fruits are serving a better purpose now then when they were on display as organic ornaments. The beauty of the newly picked pumpkins awed only for a brief moment and the familiarity of their presence caused a gradual fade into the background of daily routine. They were present but dismissed because they became ever-present. Fading life as a faded novelty. There is more to their story.
    The pumpkins will nourish squirrels and deer in the woods and help those creatures survive through the winter barring any mortal intervention like the collision of car bumpers and bullets. The remainder of the pumpkin corpses will fertilize new life and help spawn the next generation.

Death to Hubris

2011-11-23T00:46:00.001-05:00

     I do not find an enormous amount of futility helping those who feign sincerity and attempt to placate everyone with meaningless promises and absurdly telegraphed ulterior motives. At least, not anymore. Bullshit smells and my nasal passage is unobstructed. But change finds even the most reluctant. The help I offer may be allowing them to fall. This is difficult. It contradicts my personality, but may be necessary for some.
     Hope is not bred from the perverse fornication of ignorance and self-deceit. - Reality, Life is meaningless. We are worthless beasts. All is lost. We are doomed.- Sodomize yourself with that mentality. It is never too late.
     I do not wish to destroy myself, but if I get injured pulling someone from the sewage, I can still recover. I needed help like the others. I am no better, no worse. I only found the beacon quicker on the timeline. Perhaps I can send up a flare lighting the way and guide the lost back to shore. Always mercy, never contempt. I can fall off the cliff just as easily and be swept out into open waters so contempt must never be allowed into my mind. Contempt has a way of sneaking in sometimes but it must be expelled before it rots the brain.
    One can easily break their neck falling off a high horse. I need that as a cautionary reminder. I like my neck in one piece so I better stay low to the ground.

Fishing For Compliments

2011-11-22T00:07:00.001-05:00

What do you want to hear? If I can alleviate pain for a brief moment and stave off a days worth of mental anguish, I will tell you lies. If you seek the truth because you need the sound waves resonating around you like a cocoon of reinforced narcissism, I will keep my mouth sealed. If you do not believe the truth and are shattered by a crushing blow life has dealt, I will be there to glue the pieces back together.
But I am bad at puzzles and it takes a while. If we do not have patience, you may end up with a dog's ass for a face. I am bad at puzzles, like I previously stated. However, unity is required. Singular goal. We can not work from a few different boxes. We need to know if we are assembling the same pieces that initially fell to the floor. Or what? Things get weird. If you hide a piece on me because you do not wish me to see the scuff marks or partially torn cardboard, I will not be offended. But the puzzle will never get reassembled and I will be driven insane from frustration. You may end up looking like an ass but I will not spotless. I will be shit upon by my own foolhardiness. Win Win.

God and Dog

2011-11-21T00:09:00.001-05:00

     I watched a dog with an upset stomach vomit what appeared to be a mixture of cream of mushroom soup and grass clippings. The dog seemed to be relieved regardless of the motives of the vile instigator of digestive unrest. She was not worried. A devious plan foiled by the consumption of grass. We can learn a lesson.
     It is a city dog and does not get the opportunity to graze in a field too often. The dog was at my house today with an ample supply of grass, such a supply would be difficult to come by in the city. I assure you, it would not be found twenty feet from her front door like it is here. A divine hand guided her to my house with the intention of destroying the evil inside of her. The expulsion of the soup demon not only saved her life but the event struck me in the skull like a lightning bolt thrown down from the heavens by the hand of God. I was meant to see this dog vomit.
      Now the cool rain washes the vomit back into the earth. The horrors of the stomach will be converted into the picturesque blossoms of springtime, the harbingers of hope and warmth after the darkness and cold of a long winter. Good can come from evil. We just need to look for it.
      Do not focus on the vomit at your feet. Look at the big picture. The dog feels better, the vomit was outside- you don't have to clean that up, and it is returning to the earth- like we all will one day when our bodies vomit our souls up to heaven.

      ....maybe the dog is just bulimic. In that case, disregard everything and I will look into getting her some counseling.

Rambling Sans Chemical

2011-11-18T23:40:00.001-05:00

    I cannot change the world but I can alter my perception to view troubling things much differently. This may be beneficial but it also is very problematic and possibly dangerous. There is no need for chemical intervention because mind expansion(or distortion) is obtainable without such harmful facilitation. But I must not install delusion in place of reality. They are not interchangeable and the swap will cause a disastrous malfunction leading to the inevitable breakdown of mental function.. or create a state of happiness that dwarfs any high experienced by a human. Not good.
      A human stuck solely on one emotion, like a deeply scratched record skipping on the most disharmonious part of a beautiful song, is obviously in a state of mental peril. Insanity is not always unpleasant and the individual may not realize the presence of mental illness when it has reached such an extreme.(What is normal?) But insanity is open to interpretation. Antipsychotics and other powerful meds are thrown around so freely and irresponsibly today that the entire world seems on the brink of tipping over from chemical imbalance. We love drugs- they make us momentarily better but also damage us enough to make sure we require more in the future.(We damage ourselves by choice also ......also falling tree limbs damage us.. and time.. and lightning.. maybe a lightning, tree limb tag team) But then again, pharmaceutical companies are only looking out for us, right? They only want to help and seek nothing in return. Selfless.

Speak Freely

2011-11-16T23:34:00.001-05:00

A reluctant(yet necessary) unleashing of deep-rooted mental monsters has left my mind free of the tumultuous shit they defecate on my sanity and I am once again restored to peace. The simple act of opening my mouth and using my tongue to push forth the beasts into the world has allowed me to shovel the filth out and sanitize my brain. The creatures are no longer caged and they have a tendency to die upon contact with air, but not always. Sometimes they linger nearby and can sneak back in, usually through some sensory input. Cunning bastards. They may latch onto something I perceive as negative and come back home where they can be nurtured and grow until I die or go insane. It happens.. So I must always kill these dangerous pests by verbalizing their existence. They do not want that, but I do enjoy a good negative thought murderfest. It is liberating and always calls for about three celebratory cigarettes.

oh god

2011-11-15T00:24:00.001-05:00

I hurt my knee a few weeks ago by practicing stupidity but it is better. I used to revel in stupidity like a delighted fundamentalist Christian practicing ignorance by hurling homophobic slurs in the direction of a perceived sodomite or the family of a fallen war hero. Not all Christians are hatemongers.... just those who never cracked a bible.. That is a very broad statement considering the majority of Christians have not done so unless prodded beforehand. I mean, those who only listen to the guy in the dress or 5000 dollar suit as he speaks about god from the stage or altar. Those are the same people. Damn.
Those statements are disingenuously disparaging. I like Christianity. But I do not care for secondhand faith in the form of firsthand pocket gouging and community built on a dubious struggle for the soul based upon the distortion of the particular preacher's prejudices. Surely god is condemning those who manipulate his word for financial gain or perpetuate perverse personal beliefs in his name. That is not true. This god creature everyone talks about is probably not a dick. He may spill coffee on my rug but it wouldn't be intentional. Accidents happen. God is only human.

Keep Swimming

2011-11-13T22:29:00.001-05:00

The weekend was long but not unpleasant. Setbacks and frustration may have occurred but those feelings were short-lived like a goldfish won at church bazaar- by the time I arrived home, the negativity was flushed down the toilet. Do not let your kids grow close to that fish(its eyes are already a little cloudy and it seems unenthusiastic about swimming..not good). I cannot grow close to emotional rot, not because I will love it, it will become a nuisance but linger around longer then I wish it to stay as a guest. I do not want it in my house at all, but it is perversely ingratiating like a destructive, but somehow endearing psychotic. Besides, I recently read an article about a girl getting flesh-eating bacteria from a fish tank. Horrifying. I really don't want any fish.

Pro-Choice

2011-11-10T13:45:00.000-05:00

   It is raining but the day is pleasant. Frustration overtook me last night and again upon rising but it quickly vanished like a inept specter with social anxiety about to give a poorly prepared speech on haunting to a hostile crowd. Its not worth the fright even though it is supposedly something in which we both specialize. I changed my career, from terrorizing myself to living in the peace of acceptance, no matter how undesirable the issue seems. The negative still seeps through sometimes like a punctured condom allowing the ejaculate of frustration to impregnate my mind with craziness. Unplanned, I assure you. Plan B. Abort. Do not let it grow inside. I need to flush the unwanted out of my mind.
   Verbal abortion. Vocalize the craziness to the ears of someone who will listen. It works but the words need to reflect the honesty of the heart.

No One Night Stand

2011-11-08T15:39:00.000-05:00

   I slept on top of a pen but it did not stab me in the back.   It must be on my side... but I still will drain all the pen's ink and discard it in a bin of assorted filth, cursing its audacity to run dry and let me down. What then? Or now, for that matter. Does it know my intention is to use it for personal gain and toss it aside without so much as a thank you? Perhaps it does and the pen is waiting to betray me.
   I will stay on guard in case of any brewing animosity on its part. I am pretty sure it does not suspect anything but maybe the pen is planning a potential suicide mission like an explosion of blackness in the pocket of my chinos. That would be devastating.
   It seemed odd the pen was in bed with me at all. I do not remember inviting it to cuddle and I am experiencing some mild back pain where the pen was lodged underneath me. Hmm, I don't know.
   Maybe i should compliment the pen on how beautifully it writes or how pleasant and comfortable it is to hold in my hand. That would not be an attempt to placate, I sincerely feel that way.
   I am loyal too. I found this pen and, right now, I really don't want any other. I do look, I browse..but I am only human. ("Holy shit, look at the grip on that one.")
   I love pens. I will not apologize for that. The whole grip exclamation is nonsense. I do not care about the pen's external appearance, only how nice it feels when I hold it, how it makes me feel by holding it and the exquisiteness that flows from within.

Pain Relief

2011-11-07T14:26:00.003-05:00

There is peace hovering around me today but I must still be aware that something negative may materialize and attempt to annihilate the positive force like disagreeable particles greeting each other in a matter/antimatter explosion. I do not sit in fear or anxiously await some catastrophe but I must not put on blinders like a trendy new accessory worn by those who do not want to see anything outside of their own deluded perception. I need the peripheral vision because craziness can come unexpectedly from all directions like disgruntled worker bees lashing out at the first mammal they see sunbathing on a deck.
Life is good today but, by the very act of living, I will experience pain. That is inevitable. But as long as I do not immerse myself in it, the pain will not be intense and it will dissipate quickly like ingesting opiates made out of good sense and acceptance of life.

At Least Put in the Effort

2011-11-04T16:31:00.001-04:00

    A deer expectantly observed my movements. He realized I am not an existential threat and went back to nonchalant grazing. He may get the wrong impression by assuming I represent the entire human race. I rolled an apple in his direction, which he partially consumed(but did not say thanks.. I am sorry it wasn't a Granny Smith or whatever his preference is) and this act may lead him to be too trusting.
   A lazy, obese hunter may perform the same act of kindness but with an ulterior motive. One cannot bait animals, but the force of gravity crushing the knees of a top-heavy sloth may lead an individual to bend the rules like the overstressed legs of the folding chair propping up this character. While luring the innocent deer, he will deride the welfare state and the slovenliness of the disenfranchised while collecting disability because Diabetes recently stole his foot.   True Patriot. God Bless us all.
   Crafty bastard though, that Diabetes, hiding in our delicious Oreos. I would like to punch him right in the pancreas if I get a chance. See how he likes it.

Togetherness

2011-11-03T17:11:00.001-04:00

        We can turn the world into a disaster by forcing wants where there is only room for necessity and disregarding the feelings of others like pelting a stray cat in the head with a bloated, unopened can of rancid tuna fish.
         If we are callous and myopic regarding the plight of a fellow human then we will not realize the positive impact we can make by small gestures. Or through lack of self-awareness, the negative impact we can cause by a simple exclamatory obscenity because a normally adept driver failed to initiate the turn signal for the first time in his life. Word gets out.. Bad press. Opinion sways. You stand alone.
        We have influence. We need only to realize how much and channel it in a positive way. Force and negativity are met with head smashing and desertion by the weak.. We need the weak.. They are the strongest and most important among us. Assholes we can do without. But I think they come by the gross.

Health and Wellness

2011-11-02T14:42:00.001-04:00

Memories of bygone craziness come flooding back to me as cautionary reminders and motivation to leave the past behind but to never forget what brought me to this spot. I do not lament my past action, but view it as fertilizer that gave me the strength to grow from the manure I piled at my feet.
Two years ago, when my eyes first focused on the realization of shit surrounding me, I overcompensated for the perceived devastation that I had caused. Devastation? Not so.. well, somewhat. But my vision was still clouded and I tried to fix that which was unrepairable. That is frustrating. And my past looming over me like demons perched on tree branches ready to pounce was disconcerting and exhausting. I needed to forge a path out of the imaginary woods created by the hell of my haunted life. But my life was not hell. My twisted, drug-fueled mind created that reality and it was perpetuated by my fear of confronting those issues. As time began to separate me from that life, I gained composure and was able to view things objectively and not allow the past to overwhelm me and ruin the present. Today, I draw wisdom from the negative experiences and try not to repeat the same follies. Easier said sometimes.

Amputation

2011-10-31T22:46:00.003-04:00

I had to sever a friendship yesterday. It was a difficult task, but it was made easier by the animosity volleyed through the phone into my reluctant mind. I understand the individual's shock at my utterances of separation and his reactionary response of desperate anger because his vision is focused solely on the fulfillment of his needs, in any way possible. That is dangerous for his well-being and sanity, as well as mine.
I was not elated or relieved by carrying out this action, but it is best for the both of us. We are on divergent paths right now, but maybe in the future we can be reattached... Only if the friendship is kept in the freezer and does not suffer the rot of time and poor decisions.

Humiliation

2011-10-30T00:08:00.000-04:00

A tree fell and blocked the way. I dismembered it with a hacksaw, piled the assorted corpse pieces in the driveway like an homage to Vlad Tepes' wild afterparties, and cleared a safe passageway. It was unfortunate, but the tree already suffered the indignity of being unable to hold up two inches of snow. I am covering up for its physical weakness, with a quasi-violent display of hard work, in an attempt to misdirect dismayed onlookers. There are no onlookers and the darkness masked my awkward spectacle. Evidence still remains at the spot of the event like a desperate struggle occurred. It did. That corpse gave me trouble. My fingers are cold.

Revelation

2011-10-29T13:23:00.001-04:00

     My dreams would penetrate my waking hours and shine through like phantoms cast outward by the turmoil of internal obfuscation. This has ceased. I could not see what was inside, so I magnified it and projected on the wall like a movie to placate my confounded self.
      Self-destruction is a poor substitute for self-realization. But sometimes things must be destroyed so we can truly realize what we had.. and still have.

      Rebuild with better materials.

Detachment

2011-10-28T14:50:00.001-04:00

    I went for a run to vent my frustration through the soles of my shoes into the blackness of the pavement. I ran until my lungs declared a strike would soon be in order, and my stomach threatened to expel coffee and rye bread down the front of my shirt. It was nice.
   I received a barrage of phone calls this morning and my shitty ringtone pelted my sleeping head like discordant artillery shells. My reluctance to answer was based upon foresight into the unpleasantness that awaited. I eventually called back to inquire into the seemingly urgent calls and was met with a frantic request for assistance that was of a dubious nature. I am willing to offer help to those in need, but not when the issue stems from manipulation and an individuals lack of serious effort. I am not willing to perpetuate someone's devious undertakings by holding their hand.
      I must let go. And that troubles me.
It is for the benefit of both of us. The other person may not see it that way but maybe someday their eyes will open.

Hide and Go Seek

2011-10-27T23:41:00.000-04:00

       I received a symbolic coin today, which I can easily drown in a stagnant wishing well, but since it is a representation of time and not sense, I may drown my head until my lungs burst from the noxious fecal water inhaled by acts of stupidity.
Not today... That is all that matters.
      Life goes on and Death approaches. I'll see you when you get here.
Death is sluggish. I will dash away like a track star who recently became acquainted with meth.
And I know good hiding places.
    Please don't send a garbage truck or slippery bar of soap after me tomorrow.
      Thanks in advance.

Early Morning Slumber

2011-10-26T15:22:00.001-04:00

     I woke up to the sound of workers griping outside my bedroom window and I tried to ignore the noise by slightly spinning the volume knob on my radio to drown out their voices. I wanted the radio to block the noise but not reach the ears of the workers and reveal the fact I was home.
   I needed some extra sleep because the dreamworld has been reluctant to invite me inside early in the night. I would not cause trouble, and it knows that, so I should be a welcomed guest but it is still hesitant.
    The radio trick worked briefly, but one of the gentlemen came to the front door and proceeded to ring the doorbell in annoying rapid-fire fashion. I did not want to be inconsiderate, so I arose from my partial slumber, put on pants, and went to ask him what they needed, but I reclined again for a moment while tying my sneakers and sleep enveloped me. The door went unanswered... An hour later, I awoke and they were gone.

    Everything worked out well though. I slept, the work was completed, and my tires were not slashed. A good morning.

Stiffness of Death/Life

2011-10-24T15:25:00.000-04:00

   I witnessed a horrifically valiant act of self-preservation, about a month ago, when an ailing groundhog continued to forage for his hibernation food supply when it was quite obvious he would not live to witness the foliage transform into colorful brilliance and carpet the ground like the living room rug of an eccentric who tries too hard.
   The groundhog's back legs had an unpleasant encounter with the teeth of a fox, a callous car tire or some other unforgiving element. The legs were rendered dead by the ordeal, but a swarm of flies found the lame appendages an enjoyable place to relax on a warm day.
   The groundhog was not defeated and continued onward, without complaining. He simply dragged his already decaying body along and moved forward. We could learn a lesson.

Compromise

2011-10-22T23:33:00.001-04:00

It is too early for the chimney in the distance to spew smoke so steadily, but its fragrance adds to the serene atmosphere of this autumn night. The smoke carries the souls of the departed logs on a journey towards the heavens. The trees are noble for providing a means of warmth, but they do not have a choice and rarely protest. Occasionally, one will commit an act of vengeful suicide, attempting to squash a human or at least vandalize the person's property. It is understandable.
Maybe we should stick to disposing of their fallen in our living room crematoriums instead of murdering those who continue to stand tall. It may not be ideal but let the living trees enjoy life with the tickle of squirrels' feet and the deep massages of a woodpecker's bill. They also might be grateful if we cleanup the death lying at their feet and give those unfortunates a proper send off.

Slow Down.. We'll Get There Eventually

2011-10-21T17:07:00.000-04:00

We are all animals but we mask our nature with lies about civility. Really? That is alright. Humanity is a collective entity utilizing the tools of the universe in an effort to traverse the dimension in which we currently reside. Apparently, we are inept. It is not the distortion of design(?) that hinders us, but the perceived flow of time. Humans are travelers who do not know the destination. All we see is the supposed present but maybe tomorrow is yesterday and the future has already been lived. Keep moving forward even if it seems to us like it is backwards or sideways. We must succeed, in whichever direction we are traveling towards transcendence, but success is inevitable. It comes in the form of death and some race to get to the finish line. I will hold off and see how things play out. I am in no rush.

Catching Flak

2011-10-20T13:25:00.000-04:00

The clouds look like bursts of flak over Germany circa 1944. Perhaps the Luftwaffe will appear suddenly over the East Coast as if a time travel experiment went awry or exactly as planned. America should be able to nullify the threat regardless of the circumstances surrounding their arrival. We can eat their hearts and minds for Thanksgiving.
Muammar Gaddafi was reportedly killed today. I turned on the television and was met with political posturing and dubious praise directed towards Obama while he was slighted for not doing things quickly enough. I turned it off. Tactical assessments of history are safe, easy, and a little annoying when the arguments are transparently political. Hopefully our role is complete in this war but the death of one man does not turn a region into Utopia. There is much work ahead for the Libyan people. However, the American media will soon move on and the rest of the nation will follow... to live coverage of the trial of Michael Jackson's doctor. You know, real news.

Swill

2011-10-20T01:39:00.001-04:00

       The raindrops sound like vegetable oil bubbling in a frying pan while a beer commercial insists that if I am a myopic moron then all the beautiful women will swoon.... as long as it is their product I am consuming. "The other guys brew will cause instant cirrhosis and rectal prolapse.... Plus no hot chicks."
       The first two seem like manageable conditions but the third... god help us all.
   Beer commercials seem like they resemble good times but they end too abruptly. Keep rolling the tape. Where is all the date rape and fiery drunk driving crashes? Forced sex and burning corpses are all the rage. The two topics will play well in Middle America.... Good conversation starters at the checkout line.
       Go ahead though. I don't mind the drinking. Please do not mind the hyperbole...or do. I don't care. I am tired and it is only 1:30 in the morning. Amazing. Ah, the power of swill spoon-fed to the ignorant. It is exhausting like a fistful of hypnotics.
       I will attempt to sleep while listening to the boiling raindrops. They seem friendly.

A Shaking Off

2011-10-19T14:01:00.004-04:00

I had a dream last night that my cat was decapitated by hordes of invading mice. I did not witness the event because I had confidence in his abilities and locked him in a room to dispatch the miscreants. Apparently, my hubris led to his downfall. I did not offer help and shut the door on the problem, letting him fend off an army while I reclined in ignorance as innocent blood was spilled. Unfortunately, the blood that dyed the carpet red was not that of the mice but my warrior. I burst through the door ready to sing songs of triumph but all I saw were his lifeless eyes gazing up at me in disbelief like he could not fathom that defeat was ever possible.
What was it all for? Interesting question. Perhaps I should have pondered the thought before my cat's body misplaced its head.

We all deserve somewhere to live...in peace.

Blue Skies

2011-10-18T14:19:00.005-04:00

Rain has been falling every other day but I do not mind. The downpours are cleansing for the earth and my spirit but negativity reigns when it rains. The outlooks of many individuals dim when dark clouds obscure the sunlight.
The role of perceived dreary days changed in my life. They used to hamper my ability to use in a "positive" way because the consistent grayness extending over the horizon caused me to lose hope. Nonsense. My mind was trapped in a prison and the only sustenance it would receive was more and more pills. There was no desire to escape when the supposed need of more was being met.
Self-induced torture. Dick Cheney would be intrigued.
I would ingest chemicals and become resentful of the weather especially when I had an amazing trip which grew increasingly infrequent near the end of my active addiction. Those fantastic trips were rare because despair ruled my mind before I would venture into orbit.
My outlook has changed and I cannot stand negativity. It is infectious like a desperate prostitute. It gets around quickly and soon everybody seems to have it. I practice the virtuous path of positivity even though I have many lapses. I am human..flawed.. and it is quite nice to realize that.

Priorities

2011-10-17T17:08:00.004-04:00

Coaches are wearing headsets and communicating with inanity. All eyes focus on the dubious wonders of sports. It is an unnecessary part of life that directs attention away from the pressing issues in the world but does provide temporary relief from harsh realities.
I enjoy sports but do not rest my sanity and happiness in the hands of big business and millionaire athletes. There is no excuse to beat one's wife, so a loss by a favorite team is also not a valid reason. My cardiac rhythm should not cease at the drop of a ball nor should my living room represent an artistic interpretation of swiss cheese when rage sets in because of a perceived injustice by a referee. Hotdogs are meant for human consumption(at your own risk). They are not meant as convenient projectiles to pelt 8 year old kids that wear the jerseys of a maligned rival.
You'll get 'em next year.

Provocative Pumpkins

2011-10-17T14:34:00.003-04:00

I harvested some quality pumpkins this year, which is surprising because the weather has not been cooperative but I gave up trying to tell it how to behave along time ago. Besides, I enjoy weather's capricious nature because it frustrates many fellow humans until they realize it is out of their control. Humanity can attempt to change weather patterns by pumping greenhouse gases into the atmosphere but they probably will not like the outcome. Piss off the earth and the earth will piss a deluge on you.
I ignored the pumpkins all summer long which worked out nicely. Sometimes practicing a strategy of nonintervention is more beneficial to both parties. Usually I would fondle a few luscious pumpkins while they still were on the vines but this proved to be inappropriate because the fruits expressed disgust at my touch by snapping off at the stems. Apparently, they would rather commit suicide then be held by me. It is a little extreme but I can respect the decision. No matter, there is a pumpkin sunbathing on my deck which longs for me to eat out its seeds. We'll see. I am playing hard to get.

Quixotic Intercourse

2011-10-16T23:34:00.004-04:00

Moths fly like drunken kamikaze pilots in sluggish biplanes but their intention is not to cause mayhem. They are good creatures. Interestingly, some like attempting to extinguish candles with their entire bodies and I applaud the gallant effort but it is misguided. The candles are not a threat to anyone unless some sort of material with a flame fetish comes calling. That is an erotic coupling whose passion burns brightly and is all consuming. Quite perverse.
Guard flames. Protect moths from their foolish acts of heroism and protect the candles from the persistent advances of seductive combustible material.

Future Football

2011-10-15T21:48:00.003-04:00

Soccer is much more exciting than American sports purists would have one believe. Flashy scores need not apply. It can be excruciatingly tedious but exhilarating at the same time. One mistake, one goal- an almost insurmountable hill to climb. The games also seem quick because of the lack of clock stoppages which is unlike the constant disruption in American sports. But the delays are barely noticeable because flashy graphics will usually distract the viewer long enough before the game resumes. Americans love shiny things with blinking lights.
I played soccer until I entered high school and maybe I should have continued. But I cannot go back. Any disruption to the timeline may have forestalled some grief but it could have also caused me to die or become paralyzed by ineptly attempting a comically tragic bicycle kick. One should never wish to alter the past because the new future history could be much more unappealing than the one already experienced.

Gossip

2011-10-15T20:22:00.003-04:00

Tentacles ensnared me but I did not struggle. This led to my quick release. I played dead and did not let my mind conceive an elaborate escape plan. Guile is something in which I am unwilling to be involved but my mind returns to deceptive thought patterns quickly. My better sense beats the bum-rush back and I am grateful for that strength.

Sight is sometimes as unreliable as secondhand accounts of pieced together circumstance. We mold our own reality out of limited, fallible perception and what is, may not be. Misrepresentation often occurs when the realities of a situation are mostly unknown and hyperbole fills the gaps in the story. That is truly frustrating.

Hype+ADD=Falling Interest

2011-10-14T23:20:00.007-04:00

The ROSAT X-ray observatory will come back to Earth near the end of October after 21 years in orbit. It is due for a break considering its mission ended 12 years ago but we will see if it grabs attention like UARS. It may be similar to hurricanes(or war) in the ratings driven American media. The first major storm, however truly minor, guarantees 24 hour full team coverage and repetitive footage of swaying traffic lights. The public quickly loses interest when a fringe celebrity overdoses which the news media realizes and subsequently backs off future hurricane coverage until New Orleans cannot be found on Google Maps anymore. A 1.7 ton mirror will definitely be an unpleasant guest coming down a person's chimney but many homeowners' insurance policies cover plummeting space debris. Damage from insurrection, unfortunately, is not likely covered.

One-Sided Friendship

2011-10-14T16:58:00.004-04:00

The vast expanse of an unfamiliar supermarket is like a labyrinth constructed by a sadistic psychiatrist attempting to see how long it will take for me to reach my breaking point. The madman did not get me today but he may very well succeed in the future. I did sacrifice two items but I will return to liberate the ones left behind from that hellish existence. They will find sanctuary in my stomach and take a tour of my intestinal tract. Soon after we will part ways which seems callous because I get nutrients out of the relationship and what do they get? Shit.

True Love

2011-10-13T22:45:00.004-04:00

It is pouring outside and I am as soaked as a neglected golden retriever tied to a stump during a day long deluge. It is inconsequential for me because I can easily change my clothes but the dog's owner is so inebriated that he cannot even rise off the loveseat to strike his wife let alone invite the dog inside for shelter. Perhaps, by not barking and vocalizing his discomfort, the dog is performing an act of nobility because the wife will surely incur the drunkard's wrath for the wet paw prints that would be tracked across the floor. The pup suffers out of love. Good dog(but when is the last time he heard that?). The man loves his wife? Not so. The dog? Not so. He may mouth the words but his hands and inaction convey a more accurate depiction of the truth.

Burnt Coconut

2011-10-13T15:29:00.003-04:00

The calamitous misadventures of the foolhardy inspire me not to traverse the shoddy bridge which they so cavalierly endeavor to cross. It is poorly constructed and also in disrepair but it is a shortcut which can look appealing to those who do not want to make the effort of going the long way around. That path is full of rough terrain. It requires physical and mental exertion, belief in one's abilities, and the awareness to see the guideposts up ahead. The plummet from the bridge will catch an individual off guard like watching one's grandmother receive an electric shock from an ineptly rigged Christmas display which she was just praising. Not so merry anymore. One moment, enjoying a piece of delicious coconut custard pie. The next, treating some third degree burns... if you are lucky.

Fortune Favors The Willing

2011-10-12T23:09:00.004-04:00

The garden of waste seems to be blooming these days like stubborn weeds fertilized with the despair and torment of the unwilling or unready. This is very potent stimulation but the insane growth is not managed and the plants have a tendency to become overgrown and strangle themselves. Initially, the roots are usually shallow so the plants are never firmly established and the search for nutrients goes unfulfilled. Unsustainable living. I can only hope the corpses of the unwilling do not become the new plant food but I need to tend to my own piece of land before I can assist in someone else's cultivation.

Suspiciously Innocent

2011-10-12T16:43:00.004-04:00

I unknowingly engaged in pushups on a spider's back but he cannot corroborate the story because my palm sent him on a journey to the afterlife. It was an unfortunate accident. But was it? How does anyone know? My account of events will stand firm if 700 members of his family inquire into his demise. There are no witnesses to cast doubt upon my version of the incident and the distortion of truth is made easier because of the lack of varying perspectives. I can say he pulled a knife and my earthly existence was threatened. No one was around. There was an abundance of steak knives 10 feet away and one could easily be planted next to his lifeless body. But that is unnecessary. It was a chance encounter gone tragically awry. Seriously.

Fast Food Quick Death

2011-10-11T14:56:00.003-04:00

I had the desire to venture out for fast food this morning. Fortunately, I was able to stifle that urge before I began the journey. I am unwilling to contribute to those who capitalize on the apathy of the American people and perpetuate the obesity epidemic by providing heart stopping deliciousness under the guise of a dubious new health conscious menu. "I'm eating healthy now. I'll just have the salad." An absurd rationalization suckled directly from the nipples of advertisers targeting the ignorant. The benefit of that salad is crushed under the weight of ranch dressing, croutons, bacon bits, and crispy chicken pieces. I, of course, make unhealthy food choices but I am aware of the negative aspects and at least trying to better my ways.

Honestly.

2011-10-10T21:49:00.004-04:00

An inevitable occurrence of human weakness betrays those who practice deceit especially when it is out of desperation. We are all flawed but flaws show greatest when we give individuals a reason to make inquiries into our being because of an unfavorable impression. Troubles are compounded by an inability to face the reality of frailty. Perfection is self-deception. It it is better to defy all that is logical and be honest. What an inhuman thing to do.

Punch a Pendulum

2011-10-09T23:45:00.003-04:00

Time passes and sadly the once scalding water has become tepid. We give clocks and calendars too much power over our lives and those brutal overlords lash humanities' collective spinal column with a numerical whip until we fall backwards into our caskets. If we do not fight, our bodies grow accustom to the spirit breaking propaganda perpetrated by these tyrants-seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years- a countdown to the inevitable. Ah, futility. Not so. It does not have to be. Time passes quickly, perhaps we move too slow.

Projector

2011-10-09T21:38:00.005-04:00

My mind wants to wander forward but that is no place to reside. I am aware that my mind's creation of the future is a fantasy world filled with infinite pathways of distorted realities and it is not a safe place to dwell. If I choose to visit then I must devise some method of hasty retreat or lie and say I am busy to avoid initially making the journey. Imagination is a wonderful tool but it can also damn the mind to the torment of the far off occurring simultaneously with the present preventing the enjoyment of a desired moment of peace. This is today but it will not be for much longer so I should not spin a web of tomorrow around my mind and keep myself stuck waiting for the beast to devour me. I am free and it is quite enjoyable.

Cautionary Tales and Tongue Stomping

2011-10-09T00:58:00.004-04:00

Stories of tragic lives used to bounce off my skull like meaningless raindrops from the tear ducts of the collective misery of life on earth. The tales were spouted so frequently that the sound waves from so many different mouths became a nuisance to my ears. I did not want to hear horror stories, I was out creating my own. Today is different.
I do not care when individuals practice the dubious art of one-upsmanship. Words do not shock those who swam in the sewage. Shit out of your mouth and I will add it to the collection on the bottom of my shoe.

Take Out the Trash

2011-10-08T14:05:00.004-04:00

Mother Nature asserts herself and we become pissed. Yes, the suffering volatile weather causes humanity is tragic but we are guests on this planet. Humans continue to act like we own this world and treat it as one giant trash receptacle. We become spurred on by inane biblical passages that declare humanities' dominion over all things. So true. That was written by a man who died of extreme old age at 27(just joking.. of course everyone back then lived to be 800) and, sadly, his wife fell victim to the dreaded terminal affliction that is a stubbed toe.
Corporate callousness and the perpetual quest for record setting quarterly profits will unequivocally make future generations despise us because they will be left with the task of sorting all the discarded Happy Meal toys to match the appropriate Disney movie. For what reason? I don't know the future. But we will provide those me and women with some assistance. After we rape the oceans, it will be easy for those individuals to dredge the seas without Greenpeace causing a nuisance because dolphins will have gone the way of the unicorn.

We cannot leave crumpled plastic bags strewn across the terrain like a mooching houseguest cluttering a coffee table with cum-soaked tissues after a productive afternoon. That fellow is rude and a bit of an asshole but, from an alien's perspective, so are we.

The Red Eye

2011-10-08T00:18:00.003-04:00

I went to a dilapidated gas station to purchase cigarettes and a beverage but the cigarettes were stale and the beverage was well passed its expiration date. It is irrelevant because I take pride in supporting a dying business where the products are as shot as the eyes of the clerks who most likely engaged in an intensive session of illicit inhalation moments before I arrived. My two item order briefly overwhelmed the stoned shopkeeper. He fumbled with the buttons on the register but the transaction was completed and I managed to leave without dispensing any innuendo directed at their present state. Who am I to judge?

Hanging It Up

2011-10-07T23:23:00.007-04:00

My shirts hang in anticipation of participating in a worldly jaunt. Perhaps that is why they fall off hangers so often. The clothes are eager to venture outside but they fall and crumple in a heap like the hastily discarded fast food wrappers of a relapsing member of Overeaters Anonymous. Both situations are unsightly but mine is easily rectified. I only need to apply pressed heat and for that I am grateful. That individual can find a nearby trash can or car window(for the less eco-friendly among us) to dispose of the reminder of the regrettable indulgence but the damage is done. My shirts will rebound quickly but the unfortunate's mind will shudder at the power of addiction. Do not fret.. or vomit the vile burgers(that is another issue which does not need to be added to insanity's repertoire), tomorrow is a new day.

Moving Forward

2011-10-06T14:45:00.004-04:00

The opposing traffic was halted today like a free-for-all orgy stalled out because of an absence of gaps to be filled. There seemed to be no moving forward except for the bold and creative. Thankfully, I was headed in the other direction because desperate maneuvers usually coincide with individuals who are backed up. Those frustrated operators may wish to overcompensate for time lost and push their unwilling vehicles up to 120. Not a good idea. One must always keep a steady pace. The next turn could hold an unforeseen obstacle like a hapless squirrel eating a discarded sunflower seed that a previous passerby found undesirable. It is unfortunate that a squirrel must meet it's demise under a chunk of rolling rubber but sometimes it is better to go forward and feel bad for a while then veer off to avoid unpleasantness and ejaculate one's brains over a stretch of unsavory asphalt. Be patient.

Keep Living

2011-10-06T00:13:00.004-04:00

Too many fail to survive and yet I continue to live. I am reasonably satisfied with my existence and I do not wish to meet Death. He seems to be all business and on a pretty tight schedule. Too many perish without even dying and suffer the decay that comes with tragic self-indulgence. I am sure death is not misery but misery on earth is as good as death. That is not accurate, death would be a relief to perpetual despair and self-induced torture. There is always a flicker of hope but not in the poorly maintained fluorescent lights above a gurney in the emergency room as drugs overwhelm the body's capacity for life. The nurse calls out the last numbers to be punched on a worthless junkie's timecard all while thinking there are more adorable patients to deal with like a toddler hit by a stray bullet or 95 year old Alzheimer's patient that needs her colostomy bag changed.